I, however, choose to differ.
It is only to those who are special to us that we say it to. For it is by saying it that we convey just how special the other person is and how much it matters to us that he/she must not be upset. If it weren’t so, we simply wouldn’t bother apologising. At least, I won’t.
A simple word, sorry, said in the right way (the most important part) goes a long way in cementing strained relations.
Most people use it as an extremely convenient escape route. There is nothing inherently wrong in it. What is wrong, however, is how they see it (and hence, say it)-
Err. Say sorry. Escape. Wow. Things have never been this easier.
Unfortunately for them, it isn’t so. The word loses its essence unless it is meant and more importantly, said in the right way. While nothing is more pissing off than a “sorry” that isn’t meant, it spoils your case further if said in a rush or without the suitable extra sentences required (for those who didn’t get it, I mean stuff like “I didn’t mean to”, “I will never do it again” etc. Although the receiver knows just how mechanical these ‘added frills’ are, it does help your case. Trust me on this).
It is inevitable that this discussion reminds me of an old friend. This guy has an absolute knack for saying sorry. He can say it so convincingly and with such finesse that it leaves you wondering why you were angry in the first place? And I respect him for this. Manipulative it may seem, but I still think ‘the art of saying sorry effectively’ is a very useful one and does come in very handy.
Lest i be misunderstood, i think its wise i state distinctly that i concur with your view but i think its a slight altercation that i believe in.
ReplyDeleteBut i am not entirely sure that saying sorry could actually cement strained relations. This could actually back fire in cases it isn't believed in.
As it is easy to concentrate on the wronged party, and forget about the feelings of the person who is to say sorry, it is not of grave significance that you err on that count as well.
Again, to put things in perspective, this is a very interesting thought(your post) and i'd love to discuss this animately if its possible to do that remotely.
However, as i was saying the important part is making the wronged party(for lack of a better phrase) feel better, without of course and almost as significantly having the person say sorry without him believing the wrong they've done as the relation could actually be maimed if this happens, perhaps even worse than otherwise.
It is for as above, that i believe that it is important for both people to actually and sensibly move through what could become a complicated situation.
It is after all the expectation that we try to address by being in a relation. Love and care from a mother, a deeper understanding from your sibling and of course a willingness to understand and accept from the closest friend.
It is important therefore in any relation that none of the participants feel they are doing something they are dissatisfied with as that could actually rock the foundations of a relation, sometimes irreparably.
I however believe in the power of sorry, but i feel the feeling of the second party does require a mention in your post..
Your ardent fan,
Yes, I agree :)
ReplyDeleteI think I need to pick up a few tricks like the guy you spoke about in the end :P
Very well written ..
- Lots of love :)